Wayne

After we found out in November that Wayne was done with treatments.  Done with chemotherapy.  Done with fighting the cancer.  With medicine, anyway.  He, however, was still not done fighting.  After that day.  I was done blogging.

I felt guilty for continuing to live my life when he was struggling to keep his.  Guilty for being happy in the midst of a devastation that had overtaken my family and my sister.

Now, he's gone.  And as I type that last word my heart sinks into my stomach and I realize the truth that comes along with the horrible realization.  I miss him terribly.  And then.  As I type that, I think, I don't have the RIGHT to feel that way as I think of Val.  Of Dave and Donna. Of Nikki.  Think of how they feel, I say.

But he was my brother.  Not a brother-in-law.  Not some man who was placed into our family that we never knew.  I KNEW him.  Loved him as my own brother.  My brother.  His sister.  I miss him.  He created such a huge influence in my life that is indescribable and I wonder WHY I never told him that.  I hope he knows.

So now, today.

I feel guilty again more than ever for having a good day.  For smiling. For going on with life.  I feel guilty for having a bad day, because I think, my bad day is nothing in comparison to Val's best days right now.

And Val. Sweet Val.  My best friend.  My sister.  She's the biggest influence in my life.  The storybook older sister that every girl needs.  I HAVE that.  I have her.  And now, she needs me.  I feel the roles have swapped and I worry I won't be able to give her everything that she needs.  I feel an immense responsibility to take care of her and Claire and Caeden.  I want to be a part of that new team.  A team that we will create to make it through.

Luckily I am not alone in wanting to lift Val up to the clouds.  She is surrounded by a lifeline of the best women you can imagine who have rallied together to create a little something to make sure Val is taken care of.

The day is February 28, 2011.  It will be an auction of all things lovely.  Proceeds will go to a variety of ways to make sure Val and the chickens are taken care of.  Please go to Jami's blog or Val's blog to read more.

Help us take care of Val.

XOXO

love

Sorry I've been so MIA lately.

Lots going on with the family.

Too much to fill you in on, not wanting to talk about it.

And.  Mostly.  Just wanting to spend the holidays loving on my family.

So, that's what I've been up to.

We had an amazing Christmas with EVERYONE in town.  W was feeling well, we ate like king and queens, drank like . . . champions, and cherished our time together.

Wishing everyone was ALWAYS in Denver.  Please move here?  You know who you are.

Looking forward to catching up on blogging, thank you for being patient!

XOXO

Linz

PS.  Absolutely no reference to the picture (it's from Valentine's day a couple years ago).  But.  It's supposed to SNOW tomorrow.  Our first snow of the season.

Can't wait to go outside and play in it tomorrow.

Or.

Stay inside and make chili.  Either way.

A Bit of Holiday Spirit {for free!}

A little late on creating your personalized Christmas cards and still want to send your loved ones a little something in the mail?  I literally shrieked a bit when I saw how cute these were...

It's a little self mailer just big enough to staple two bags of peppermint tea along with a personal note.  Just seal and stick in the mail.  If I wasn't so behind on my wedding thank-you's I would totally be doing this.

Throwing a holiday party?  Download the sweetest invitations here.  And if you're sending them the old fashioned way . . . matching postage labels here.

And.  While we're on the topic of partying.  Be the perfect party guest and bring along a homemade mixer for a Pomegranate Cosmo, or Apricot Ginger Fizz, along with matching labels {here}.  The super cute bottles can be found at Ikea.

Then, finally.  Christmas gift tags here, here, here, and here.

An Excuse

I went to Target yesterday to attempt to recreate the photograph from my last entry . . . golds and soft ivories, sparkle and subtlety.

Though I didn't recreate the picture as I had hoped, I started grabbing other ornaments that caught my eye. 

Vintage-looking ornaments with the twelve days of Christmas, a huge, heavy, sparky {s i n g l e} silver ornament that my Mom gave me a few years ago {still my favorite ornament},  more  more more
twinkly lights.  And.  A mistletoe.  

Below - loving that you can see the reflection of me crouching on the ground trying to catch a proper shot that does the ornament justice.  Meanwhile, J, snooping over the couch to see what I'm up to. 

Our first ornament, a gift from Cindy.

Mistletoe . . . as if I needed another excuse to kiss my husband . . .

I can see the Charlie Brown tree becoming a tradition for J and I.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas at the K's house.

 A bit of cheer is just what we needed around here . . .

Christmas Style

Jordan and I picked out our first Christmas Tree over the weekend.

J always grew up with a Charlie Brown tree standing tall in their living room - so I wasn't surprised when he picked out the most sparse tree I've ever seen.

There's just something about tradition that sticks, isn't there?

Here's our meager little guy.  It looks tiny up there!  Makes me laugh out loud.  But it fits perfectly in our little cabin of a home, actually.

Even so . . . I'm having problems decorating it.  Because we only have a few (well, two actually) ornaments that have a lot of meaning to us, I feel like I need a theme for the tree.

So what do I do, but, google "Christmas Tree inspiration"?

Stumbled upon this gorgeous take on Christmas decorating.

Found via The Style Files

I need to re-create this feel.

Thinking about sticking with silver, gold, and ivory; then using twine as garland.

A few more inspiration finds from Pottery Barn.

Cheap.

After months of walking around in my black heels, almost wearing them every day...

They have started to deteriorate.

Lining inside the shoe is peeling away.

They've lost their shine.

The actual heel has been scraped away, so, now, it's a steel rod that I'm walking on.

The leather is peeling up from the heel exposing the steel rod.

How I walked on these, I don't know.

All that to say, today, I replaced them. Finally. And still felt a twinge of guilt.

How much of a cheapass am I? When did this happen? :)

Can I also confess that I save gift tissue paper? I do.

BUT. Will spend $50 on customized Pottery Barn stockings.

So there you go.

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving and is starting their Christmas spirit!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Not thinking ahead, I just went to the grocery store tonight to buy everything for our Thanksgiving feast tomorrow.  The UnSafeway on Federal was surprisingly calm and had everything I needed in stock, whew!

Since Val & Wayne headed to California to celebrate with Wayne's sister and parents . . .

And because Mom & Ken moved to Virginia . . .

And because Jordan has to work on Friday and all the Kal's are in Wyoming . . .

We are celebrating here in Denver with our besties.

Attempting my first Thanksgiving by myself (and Andrea) . . . wish us luck!

J and I are off to Casper on Saturday morning to spend the weekend at the cabin with the Kal's. . .

Hope everyone has safe holiday travels and celebrates with their loved ones!

Home Making

On Friday I drove past a sign on the way home from work outside of a nunnery.

"Craft Sale, Holiday Gift Baskets, Baked goods, & more!"

Naturally, I was intrigued.  And, I need to support the local nuns, of course.

Not two seconds later my phone was ringing, it was Andrea.  She was on her way to my house to pick me up and off we headed to this (most likely) huge craft sale!  Surely I was going to find baskets full of holiday goodies.

As we walk in with anticipation of what we're going to find, we talk about what we need.  Gift baskets for coworkers?  Holiday wreaths?  Maybe we'll see something that inspires a craft day . . .

Instead, we walk in, and see . . . junk.  Tables full of garage sale items.  And, overcooked cookies.

Oh, nuns . . .

We couldn't leave empty-handed.  Now, we felt obligated (bad word choice?) - yearned to support the nunnery.

Just as we're about to leave we stumble upon a wire photo-holder.  {Not the best description}.  There were two left, we grabbed both and headed to the cashier.

With no price tag on either item, we pull out a $10, expecting to pay at least $5 dollars.  Oh no, far from. The sweet nun rang us up at . . .

.50 cents.

For both.

We walked out of there feeling like we robbed a group of nuns.

So, here is my steal of a deal.  Put an old picture of sweet grammy in it.

In other news, I got a package in the mail from Mom today.  Inside were some of the postcards guests signed at the wedding.  (We gave them to Mom to mail to us though out the year as a reminder of our wedding.)

Also inside were a set of three homemade tags with old-fashioned images of a fork, spoon, and a knife from {Paper Source} over at Etsy.  Needing some decoration for our dining room, I put them in a frame and wha-la!  Instant art.

Something Warm

Have been wanting to pick up blogging again since the wedding but had an extreme case of writer's block.  Because, you know, blogging is intense.

But tonight, while making a batch of homemade Hot Buttered Rum, I decided, I'm back.

Needing a place to release some creative juices.

So. Back to Hot Buttered Rum.  Have you had it?  So SO yummy.  It reminds me of when I was little  -  we would always celebrate Christmas at Aunt Lyndee's and Hot Buttered Rum was in everyone's hand.  Add a little rum for the adults and it turned into an affair to remember.

There are a handful of recipes out there but I went with this recipe because the vanilla ice cream sounded so yummy.

Ingredients

• 1 pound butter
• 1 pound brown sugar
• 1 pound confectioners' sugar
• 1 quart vanilla ice cream, softened
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Directions

1. Melt butter in a large pot over medium heat. Blend in brown sugar and confectioners' sugar. Remove from heat, and whisk in the ice cream, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Pour mixture into a plastic container, seal, and freeze.
   
   
2. In a coffee mug, measure 1 tablespoon Hot Buttered Rum Batter and 1 fluid ounce of rum, then fill cup with boiling water. Stir, and sprinkle top of drink with nutmeg.
   

Enjoy!

His Ring

This week I picked up Jordan's  wedding ring  from Jared's.

 

It felt so good leaving the store with it in my hand.  As I was walking out, I wondered how Jordan felt when he was doing the same thing with my engagement ring.

I got home and just stared at the ring for awhile.  Tried it on.  (Hey, why not?)  Then, when Jordan got off work that night I proposed.  :)  Not nearly as nerve-racking as the real proposal was for him, I'm sure.

Tonight Jordan tried the ring on again and wore it around the house for awhile.  I think he may be more excited for  August 28th than I am?

No, impossible. Though I can't wait to see that ring on his hand, either.